Friday, September 25, 2009

An Open Letter To Tourists

(image- flicker)
Dear Tourists,

I understand that when you visit a city, let's say for instance, New York, you are there to sight-see. So you tend to walk much slower and in a zig-zagged pattern as your head turns left to right, up and down. I get this. You want to see the city that you've spent your hard earned money to come and visit.

Here's the thing though, It's were I work, shop, meet friends, make doctors appointments and generally need to get around town. So, here's my humble request:

1- If the sidewalk is narrow, walk single file. You do not need all five members of you family stretched across it forming a human snail crawl barrier. You'll make me late for the doctor.

2- If you want to stop and look at something, step to the side. There are people walking behind you. Then they bump into you and you proceed to shoot them a look of death. NOT COOL TOURISTS! So, no dead stops in the middle of the sidewalk please. We good?

3- Here's how we do things in this country, you walk on the right you pass on the left. The human traffic pattern is the same as the vehicle traffic pattern. This applies to almost any country. Look at what the cars do and when you walk do the same.

4- Ask us questions. When you smile and say please and thank you we'll be more than happy to help. We just look scary and mean (probably because we're frustrated having gotten stuck walking behind some bumbling tourists). Really though, we're quite nice.

ENJOY the city, it's lovely and there's no lack of things to look at. Also, feel free to spend lots of money here. We always appreciate it greatly.

Thanks!

17 comments:

my favorite and my best said...

so so true. and i don't evem live in new york. but i feel this applies to everywhere and everyone. for example...the mall. the zoo. the airport. the fucking grocery store goddammit! i cannot tell you how many times i have had to wait behind some fucktard while she figures out (with her hulking grocery cart) where the beans are.
you may be doing your saturday shopping lady but i have 50 million other things to do on that day and YOU need to pull your damn cart out of the way so that i can get past you to get my olive oil! AGGGGH!!!! FUCK!!!!!!

kris said...

#1 is my BIGGEST pet peeve. It drives me insane and happens all the time. I've also had #1 and #2 occur at the same time. What is wrong with people?

Lucinda said...

Don't get me started, don't even get me started!

Anthony said...

I TOTALLY know what you mean!
It really just boils down to basic consideration of others. And it seems like that is almost becoming a lost art form! What IS the world coming to?!

Btw, I don't know why Kris is complaining. I'd LOVE to have #1 and #2 occur at the same time... as I tend to be a bit irregular. ;) :(

Belle de Ville said...

Welcome to my city, now please go home.

Dumbwit Tellher said...

Oh..so true. #'s one & two send me over the edge. When we lived in Vegas it'd be very much the same. Why is it families string themselves across the whole sidewalk & just stand there?? Anthony is so right, it's all about consideration. Something we've all lost in translation over the years.

Cas said...

Great post!

Bathory House said...

May I use your letter for the daily commuters I encounter on the streets of NYC every day? Stopping dead on the sidewalk to exclaim "OMG" while on their cell phones comes to mind. I can only hope none of them drive that way. I'll point out the tourista situation in New Orleans was far worse. I'll spare you the bodily fluid details.

Laura [What I Like] said...

Yes yes yes! There should be signs around advising people of at least #1 and #2.

Mrs. Limestone said...

So true!

I could write a similar letter about people who have giant ass umbrellas open without regard for the other 9 million people on the street.

ana said...

I love your post... is so true! and these are good advices for us too when we go out on a trip... if you are nice as a tourist, we are nice as the people who live in the city... If I go to other country or city, I will be nice and respectful to the citizens of the city...

FROM THE RIGHT BANK said...

Heh heh. I miss living in New York. :)

Dobbygirl said...

Uh, yeah, the stopping in the middle of the sidewalk just made me insane. I worked almost across the street from the Library and those sidewalks are wide, but dammit if I didn't have to weave my way through the idiot stoppers to run and get lunch. Do they not realize that I have only a set amount of time (and I had to beat the 10,000 other people headed there too)?!?! The other thing that made me homicidal were the walking texters, I have never wanted to cram phones up peoples butts like I did the texters - so damn slow with the walking. Jeez.

The Townhouselady said...

Sorry I didn't respond to your text earlier but this redhead chick shoved my blackberry up my butt.

plaisirs simples said...

omg...i'm in love with this post....too good! my parents are always laughing because i get SO annoyed on the street! ALL the time!!!!!

ZoeB said...

You sound such a lovely lot. Remind me to rush there soon !!!!
ZoeB

MerciBlahBlah said...

Oooooh - the stop-shorts WEAR ME OUT. The worst is when you're someplace getting off an escalator, and the douche at the top (or bottom gets off and STOPS). DICKWIT - there is a line of people behind you waiting to get off!!!

Arrrggghhh!!!!